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[13 Jul 2008|12:05am] |
I'm starting this thing up again.
Mostly with pictures, though.
Keep a lookout.
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[01 Oct 2007|12:42pm] |
The number 28 (which has a severe amount of sentimental significance in my life) has been showing up so much today that it's almost starting to get just riddiculous and absurd.
28 unread messages. 28 days later. Assigned to computer 28.
It took me exactly 28 dollars, not one cent over, to fill up my gas tank. The last two digits of my liscence plate are 28. I looked at the clock when i left for school this morning and it was 7:28. Etc.
Then you have to wonder, do these hard-to-believe occurences actually mean anything?
Or are they simply coincidence?
This decision would be easily made by someone with a firm belief on the subject of fate/coincidence, but unfortunately and unluckily for me, I never made up my mind.
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[21 Sep 2007|11:33pm] |
I've been telling everyone else and myself all this time that I'm the best person I know.
I'm the only decent person I know.
I'm nice, selfless, caring, and whatever else fits in between.
I think I've been lying all this time.
Or at least just trying to THINK I'm this amazingly good person.
I really am, on the outside. To everyone else.
At least, as far as they know.
And that's what makes me decent.
Only the fact that no one really knows any of the shitty things about me.
Which I guess doesn't make me very decent at all.}
But it's been working out just fine so far.
So whatever.
Also, I hate my attitude on everything as of right now.
I'm full of hate and I snap all the time now.
I physically attack people, some of which have been my friends, simply because of things they say or do that just set me off.
I'm inconsistant and very impatient.
I guess all of this shit can have SOME benefits.
Yet again, whatever.
I need to get laid.
I need to go to a decent show without it ending in a shitty way.
And I need some beer.
That's about it.
There, you have an update.
DONE.
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[19 Sep 2007|11:46am] |
Same old, same old.
The cycle is constant.
The cycle is repeating.
The cycle is constistant as hell,
and I wish nothing more than for it to change.
I'm a very inconsistant person,
but my life events don't seem to want to follow that.
I'm missing everything familiar.
A lot.
I want this to change, soon.
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[18 Sep 2007|02:24pm] |
Here's a big fuck you to familiarity.
Yes, that crazy little abstract feeling I've come to know and hate.
Needing something to breathe for,
because I'm running out of air.
Or so it seems.
Everything familiar is leaving.
And everything familiar I'm craving only to be bitterly dissapointed.
I pretend to be excited.
I'm living it up on false everything.
I'm nothing.
I feel nothing.
I breathe nothing but infected, recycled air.
Someone please help me breathe.
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[06 Sep 2007|12:05pm] |
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I'm at an all time lower.
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[30 Aug 2007|12:38am] |
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i'm at an all time low.
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[25 Jun 2007|12:35am] |
I'm free.
Yet somehow not at all.
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[24 May 2007|10:33pm] |
Fuck Joey for pulling the same bullshit he always does.
Fuck me for not having a car making getting to slimstock so difficult.
Fuck genetics for putting my family in such a horrible position.
Anyone want to help me out and give me a ride to slimstock?
I'll pay you.
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[23 May 2007|08:54am] |
I hate Morgan Jones.
I cannot explain enough how much I hate that goddamn cunt.
Walking around like she's all cool and shit.
Man, what a dumb cunt.
Next time I see her I think I'm going to shoot her in the face.
Because I hate Morgan Jones.
Or not Dana because I'm sitting right next to you you filthy slag.
LOVEEEEE YOUUUU
But I still hate Morgan Jones.
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[22 May 2007|08:36pm] |
Cycle. Cycle. Cycle.
and I don't know what the hell to do with myself.
In other news, I get out early for finals tomorrow.
Around 11:30ish. Anyone want to hang out?
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[21 May 2007|05:54pm] |
I'm having an absolutely PHENOMINAL day.
I don't even care about all of the shit that has been going on as of lately.
Today, none of that matters.
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| This is not how I wanted everything to turn out |
[17 May 2007|08:51am] |
Everything I think I know is a lie,
and everything I want to know I will never.
I want to be with someone who is free.
Yet I am immiture, a poet, a one with words and not so much life.
If i could change the way I grew up, I would.
I would be a lot smarter with everything then.
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[15 May 2007|09:37am] |
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Scent is the one thing most often associated with memory,
and right now I'm stuck with your hoody, that no matter how much it endures,
it still strongly maintains that same scent of yours that I love so much.
Show tonight at Swayze's.
Hopefully I'll see you all there.
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[08 May 2007|09:41am] |
Your father spurted you out in perfect ghost form
All you gotta do is die
All you gotta do is fly
Is your fathers name Dedalus
how can you be Icarus?
I know this to be an empty state, that is to say, a state of form
I could become a great grinning host like a skelleton Hung Up In Heaven
the magic instance of the parriot tree
Nothing like a shot of junk for the sheer Heavenly contact
Oh yah, clear as a bell the mind on morphine
I got all eternity to do everything you want me to do
So there's no rush
Decorated for the re-emergence of the great Virgin Fuck
Things are well.
Just got my taxes back, and I'm thinking I'm going to take Joey out to dinner with the money. He spoils me enough.
Great relationship.
Great grades.
Life is alright.
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[03 May 2007|10:29am] |
"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix;"
Allen Ginsberg
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[27 Apr 2007|09:48am] |
"i'm not afraid of dying, pieces of me die all the time."
Actually going to prom tomorrow.
Closing night of the play tonight.
Things are uncertain.
Things are almost overwhelming.
Am I crazy?
I can't tell,
I'm so used to myself.
"she wanted my agony in her body"
well, i do.
"i don't grieve for many people.
i don't mourn the pieces i killed in you
my injection must have been lethal.
pick up the shovel, love. you've got some digging to do"
sounds all too familiar.
fuck you, familiarity.
here's hoping it's not the last visit.
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[26 Apr 2007|09:11am] |
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i hate being helpless and waiting for it to end.
when i've been almost promised so much.
ughh.
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[17 Apr 2007|06:52pm] |
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i'm graduating a year late. but that last year i'll only be taking like, two classes.
it's really not bad because i can move out, save some money, and not have to worry about college so soon and still be elligable for hope scholership, and all that jazz.
sounds like a decent plan.
i'm regaining friends and it's nice. grantid, some of them are more selfish than i'd like them to be, but i appriciate anyone who makes a genuine effort to make up for something.
let's hang out this weekend.
anyone want to give me a ride to Total Chaos this thursday?
walk across this field of landmines
caressing every inch of ground along the way
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[16 Apr 2007|10:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Alexz Johnson |
] |
anyone have any black and purple hairdye i could have?
don't have any money and alls i got is bleach.
i need some new hair now.
and then, a feeling. Almost as if nothing were ever bound to repeat itself again. As if history had been as masterfully created as the great pyramids and any attempt to reconstruct or relive any given moment would have to stem from an understanding of how the pyramids were build from the
top down.
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destructiion's journal